Believe it or Not

Someone sent these around at work. Apparently these are all real phrases that teachers on and cops said. I actually remember hearing one of them on "Cops," but the rest I'm not so sure. What do you think?

Teachers:

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. the wheel is turning, but the hamster is definitely dead.

Police:

1. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'
2. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'
3. 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'
4. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
5. 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.
6. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
7. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
8. 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.'
9. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
10. 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey poop.'
11. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'
12. 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
13. 'How big were those two beers you say you had?'
14. 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'
15. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'
16. 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'

Syllables

Since beginning to make contributions to Sieve and the Sand in April, I have been experimenting a lot with form poetry. Specifically short, syllable poetry: haikus, senryus, and tankas. So that being said, necessity would dictate that it’s crucial I’m aware of my syllable counts.
During the process of writing the aforementioned styles, I’ve had to repeatedly check, double-check, and verify the syllable count in each word I’m using. In doing so (in addition to using m-w.com like its my job), I’ve discovered a handful of words with a number of syllables that were not at all what I would have expected. Two examples include the words “against” and “blanket.” We’re told to sound the word out; A-gainst. Two syllables, right? Wrong. One. Blank-et. Two again, right? Wrong again. Still one syllable. Isn’t that so odd? I’m kind of curious as to who or what committee makes these executive language decisions—I’d like to be on it and bring a little reform to the syllable world.

Yum

My mother just made Cocoanut chip cookies. I've never had them before, never knew they existed, but they are quite possibly one of the most delicious cookie like substances I've ever eaten.

It's Coconuts shreddings,
Chocolate chips
and sweet milk... that's it. Rolled into balls, and baked just like regular cookies.

Try it! They're a taste of heaven.