I really don't write in this enough for all my claims how much I would use it for random thoughts that didn't fit into my weekly Xanga schedule. There is no ebb of random thoughts, but they constantly occur when I'm not at the computer, having the availability to include them in here. SO, I'm writing about how I'm not writing so that I've written something. Superb.
Uhh.. hopefully I have a better topic to discuss later. Yeah, that's it.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thanksgiving Joke
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep, was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, when the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep, was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, when the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Cover Up?
If this is true, which I'm not certain it is, but if, this could be earth-shattering. Although I'm wondering, if it isn't in fact a fallacy, is the media then covering it up? Okay, so get this:
There was a rumor prior to the election that Barack Obama was not a natural born citizen and therefore could not be elected President. Well, most snickerings of that were dismissed as conspiracy theories from someone who just didn't want Obama as President.
Wrong.
Apparently, a Supreme Court judge has issued an order to the Democratic party that Obama must present his official birth certificate by December 15th. Previously, he had shown suspect copies of his birth certificate, and now the judge has ordered the real deal. Is it possible was born in Kenya? Do we have an illegitmate president!? And here's the real kicker; 1) If he wasn't born in the US this country and is banned from being president, there will be riots! And 2) that means another election is held, George Bush will mantain his presidency postion.. which will result in even more riots!
Take a second to let that think in.
Wow.
There was a rumor prior to the election that Barack Obama was not a natural born citizen and therefore could not be elected President. Well, most snickerings of that were dismissed as conspiracy theories from someone who just didn't want Obama as President.
Wrong.
Apparently, a Supreme Court judge has issued an order to the Democratic party that Obama must present his official birth certificate by December 15th. Previously, he had shown suspect copies of his birth certificate, and now the judge has ordered the real deal. Is it possible was born in Kenya? Do we have an illegitmate president!? And here's the real kicker; 1) If he wasn't born in the US this country and is banned from being president, there will be riots! And 2) that means another election is held, George Bush will mantain his presidency postion.. which will result in even more riots!
Take a second to let that think in.
Wow.
Friday, November 21, 2008
SNOW!!
Snow! Snow! Snow! I'm late on this, if you hadn't guessed, it snowed for the first time today! In all of history, yes. Ok, of this imminent winter season! Snow!
Yeah, and it was about 1/10th of an inch and lasted till noon before it was water, but you know what, it covered the ground, and looked cool, and I was giddy over it. I'll say, in fact I feel almost obligated to say, holy cow do New Jerseyians hate snow. It's so upsetting! I lost count of how many customers came in the bank today complaining in concern to the lovely, puffy, whiteness daintily caressing the earth. That is undoubtedly one New Jersey custom I will never assimilate to. And yes, I did just end a sentence with a preposition and follow that sentence beginning with an 'and'. Like a beautiful snowflake, I am not bound by the restrictions of a mold! Ok.. tangent over. Poem time:
Yeah, and it was about 1/10th of an inch and lasted till noon before it was water, but you know what, it covered the ground, and looked cool, and I was giddy over it. I'll say, in fact I feel almost obligated to say, holy cow do New Jerseyians hate snow. It's so upsetting! I lost count of how many customers came in the bank today complaining in concern to the lovely, puffy, whiteness daintily caressing the earth. That is undoubtedly one New Jersey custom I will never assimilate to. And yes, I did just end a sentence with a preposition and follow that sentence beginning with an 'and'. Like a beautiful snowflake, I am not bound by the restrictions of a mold! Ok.. tangent over. Poem time:
The snow
falls
drifting
down
falling
forlorn
I taste
it
On my
mouth
And I
know
This is
the
First snow
falls
drifting
down
falling
forlorn
I taste
it
On my
mouth
And I
know
This is
the
First snow
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Psalms 95
Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
Let us shout aloud to the Rock of our Salvation.
Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song,
For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods.
In his hands are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him.
The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land.
Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker;
for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care.
My scripture and inspiration for the week.
Let us shout aloud to the Rock of our Salvation.
Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song,
For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods.
In his hands are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him.
The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land.
Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker;
for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care.
My scripture and inspiration for the week.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Leaves
This is an excerpt from House of Leaves, where one of the narrators is basically going nuts, I thought it was hilarious, yet scary and perfectly encapsulated the idea of imminent insanity.
Of course I was fine.
Except as I started walking down the sidewalk, I watched a truck veer from its lane, flatten a stop sign, desperately trying to slow, momentarily redirect itself, and then in spite of all the brakes on that monster, all the accompanying smoke and ear puncturing shrieks, it still barreled straight into me. Suddenly I understood what it meant to be weightless, flying through the air, no longer ruled by that happy dyad of gravity and mass until I was, landing on the roof of a parked car, which turned out to be my car, a good fifteen feet, hearing the thud but not actually feeling it. I even momentarily blacked out, but came to just in time to watch the truck, still hurtling towards me until it was actually slamming into me, causing me to think, and you're not going to believe this-- "I can't believe this idiot just totaled my car! Of all the cars on this street he had to trash mine!" even as all that steel was grinding into me, instantly pulverizing my legs, my pelvis, the metal from the grill wedging forward like kitchen knives, severing me from the waist down.
People started screaming.
Though not about me.
Something to do with the truck.
It was leaking all over the place.
Gas.
It had caught fire. I was going to burn.
Except it wasn't gas.
It was milk.
Only there was no milk. There was no gas. No leak either. There weren't even any people. Certainly none who were screaming. And there sure as heck wasn't any truck. I was alone. My street was empty. A tree fell on me. So heavy, it took a crane to lift it. Not even a crane could lift it. There are no trees on my block.
This has got to stop.
I have to go.
I did go.
Of course I was fine.
Except as I started walking down the sidewalk, I watched a truck veer from its lane, flatten a stop sign, desperately trying to slow, momentarily redirect itself, and then in spite of all the brakes on that monster, all the accompanying smoke and ear puncturing shrieks, it still barreled straight into me. Suddenly I understood what it meant to be weightless, flying through the air, no longer ruled by that happy dyad of gravity and mass until I was, landing on the roof of a parked car, which turned out to be my car, a good fifteen feet, hearing the thud but not actually feeling it. I even momentarily blacked out, but came to just in time to watch the truck, still hurtling towards me until it was actually slamming into me, causing me to think, and you're not going to believe this-- "I can't believe this idiot just totaled my car! Of all the cars on this street he had to trash mine!" even as all that steel was grinding into me, instantly pulverizing my legs, my pelvis, the metal from the grill wedging forward like kitchen knives, severing me from the waist down.
People started screaming.
Though not about me.
Something to do with the truck.
It was leaking all over the place.
Gas.
It had caught fire. I was going to burn.
Except it wasn't gas.
It was milk.
Only there was no milk. There was no gas. No leak either. There weren't even any people. Certainly none who were screaming. And there sure as heck wasn't any truck. I was alone. My street was empty. A tree fell on me. So heavy, it took a crane to lift it. Not even a crane could lift it. There are no trees on my block.
This has got to stop.
I have to go.
I did go.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Soda
Something random I was thinking about today at work(when isn't it?): Well wait, let me preface first; yesterday I went out to lunch with some of the guys and bought a fountain mountain dew soda in a paper cup. Then today at work I bought soda in a can instead. As I was drinking it I realized, "this doesn't taste nearly as good as it's sugary counterpart that I had yesterday." So why the disparity? Is fountain soda just better? Is it the can that somehow dilutes the taste? Is it all in my head? And even after this conclusion, I came home and had another fountain soda out of a cup, and it tasted great again! (Side note: Why am I not obese!?) It seems as if all I've been doing the last week is bringing up asinine topics(and drinking soda) and then just asking equally asinine questions concerning them to which no answers will be determined. Ugh, man, I need to go jogging or something.
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